i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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