I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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