I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
