I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im six kinds of drunk right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
