Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
