just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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