addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love you. Go after that dick
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
