are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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