i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
