I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
