Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
