I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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