Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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