I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
