Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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