he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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