You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
