The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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