$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
