it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
