if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
