We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
why do cheetos always look like penises
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
