YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
