Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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