I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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