Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
