Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
