How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
