hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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