I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
