Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My feet surprised me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
