Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
