Will you blow on my dice?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
