wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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