Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
