She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
