Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
