I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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