I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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