Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
