Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
