Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
