Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
