I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this must be what syphilis tastes like
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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