I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
