I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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