I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
