Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
