Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
