god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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