god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
