As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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