Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
