i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
