spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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