i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's get the cat blown out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
