I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
